I lied, I got two more bagels and they’re fantastic #stillcheaperthanstarbucks
USA! USA!
After a whole bunch of hassle boarding the flight to San Fran, and then dealing with the world’s rudest immigration officers, and then paying a frankly ridiculous amount for a taxi, and then being asked, I shit you not, “you’re British? So are you from London or England?”, and a pretty crap night’s sleep (mixture of jetlag and San Fran’s cheapest hostel), it’s safe to say that my time in the states did not get off to the best start. But! I have decided to give it a proper chance, and despite MORE mishaps, I’m (sorta) glad I did.
I paid a fortune for yoghurt and orange juice for breakfast, but I guess that’s what I get for going to Starbucks. By the time I’d walked around Fisherman’s Wharf, I was starting to feel a bit better. The sea lions were great –
After that, I headed to the bus stop and got the number 4 bus over the Golden Gate Bridge – unfortunately it’s been really foggy so my pictures aren’t even worth posting, but I was there, I promise!
The plan was to change for the 61 bus at Almonte Blvd and head up to the Muir Woods. I say was, because when I got to Almonte I was told it was a twenty minute wait for the 61. Forty-five minutes later, still no bus. Eventually, I decided the bus was not going to turn up and went halves on an Uber with another girl at the bus stop, which should have been fairly cheap. Should have, because the Uber driver got lost so not only did the drive take easily twice as long as it should have, it cost twice as much. And all the “getting lost” meant that eventually we had to fix the driver’s google maps for him and were STILL TWENTY MINUTES AWAY, because we’d gone in an odd direction and somehow ended up near the coast, which was pretty but nevertheless not the correct destination. Worst of all, the roads were winding and steep, and I get motion sickness. The plan was to ask the Uber driver to come back for us later but after that experience we decided to figure something else out.
Slightly queasy, but otherwise mostly fine, we headed into the woods. Once I’d had a bit of water and taken a few deep breaths, I actually started to enjoy myself for the (technically second – I love sea lions) time since arriving on US soil. I took loads of gorgeous photos of the giant redwood trees – here ya go –
the trick, it turns out, it to use the panorama setting on my phone to get the whole tree in. It results in a slightly odd fisheye effect, but you really get an idea of the scale of the trees.
After our hike, we headed over to the cafe, where I paid a frankly unreasonable sum for a disappointing cup of tea (I really don’t know what I expected from American tea) and decided to try and find the nearest bus stop as hitchhiking seemed a bit risky and there’s no wifi or phone signal to call a taxi with. We asked in the Visitor Centre where a lady gave us a bus schedule and described which trail we should take to meet the highway. I got her to repeat herself twice but, as anyone who has ever met me knows, I’m a bit shit at following directions. From what we could figure out we walked about three miles up in the wrong direction (on the right trail though so there’s that!) before admitting we were horrendously lost and retracing our steps back to the car park.
Here, we had an excellent stroke of luck – on our way down the trail we came across a family who asked us if there was anything interesting up the trail we’d just come down, we said no, and there’s certainly no road, and explained our cock up. Shout out to Janet from Manchester, because she offered to drive us back to San Francisco!! What a babe.
So we went back over the bridge with Janet and family, where she gave us an impromptu city tour, including a stop at the palace of fine arts – 
She dropped us off at Pier One, where we saw this thing – 
(Why is the water that colour?? Guess I’ll never know.)
…and treated ourselves to a hearty dinner of Taco Bell, before deciding to get the streetcar down to the Castro for the evening – 
We went in a few shops, and I realised that I am fundamentally uncool as a person. We then went and got a coffee (and I got a pancake bigger than my head), before deciding to get the streetcar back to the hostel. Weirdly, it was exactly the same streetcar we’d got down there, but by now it was night so it was completely empty – 
When we finally got back to the hostel, I am slightly ashamed to admit I was so sleepy that I fell asleep in my clothes while waiting for the bathroom to be free (I woke up at 3am, realised and got changed but I still felt grotty).
This morning, I’ve had a bit of an explore of Union Square 
where there’s lots of shops and art galleries.
Right now, I’m enjoying a coffee and a bagel in Boudin, and I think I’ll have another bagel before heading over to golden gate park – hopefully it’s clearer today and I’ll be able to get a good photo for y’all! I have an overnight flight tonight; next stop, New York City!!
Much love 💕
Bonus: I have no idea what this is or what I would do with it but I need it. 
Have a good one!
Onwards!
Yeah I know I said I’d go back and write about China and Australia… and I will. Soon.
But this is about my final day in Singapore! We headed over to Fort Canning Park in the morning to cross culture and history off our lists
{I just tried to upload photos but I’m in Manila airport and the wifi is crap so you’ll just have to use your imaginations until I get round to editing this post 😂)
the park itself is really gorgeous, and there are loads of signs up explaining the significance and history of certain points, and more’s the point the abundance of tropical trees provided shade to make the whole experience slightly less unbearably hot.
We got the train down to harbour front, had lunch there, and justified this as staying out of the sun at the hot part of the day. Despite this and two reapplications of SPF 50+, I have still managed to burn my shoulders 😐😐😐
Anyway, we walked (! And it was a long bloody way!) from harbourfront, over the boardwalk to Sentosa Island and then down the island to Tanjong beach
{insert beach here}
There was an awfully fancy looking beach club complete with infinity pool – on the basis of “what’s the worst that can happen?” we simply walked in and had a swim. I think it might have been only for the hotel guests but ehhhhh, nobody questioned it! It wasn’t quite the SkyPool at Marina Bay Sands (not open to the public, and the hotel is £600/night so I put my chances of ever going there at slim to none) but it was still an infinity pool on the beach!!!!
{an infinity pool on the beach!!!!}
After many hours of doing solidly nothing, we walked up to the next beach over (Palawan) to have an explore, which is how we ended up at the (alleged) southernmost point of continental Asia – and islet connected to the island by a dubious rope bridge, which is connected to the mainland via the boardwalk so apparently it counts
{dubious rope bridge}
There was a really cool palm tree that must have been knocked over but kept growing so it forms a really cool photo spot over the sea south of the islet – we had to wait to take photos, then by the time the other people finished a tropical storm rolled in so we waited a fair while for the rain to pass before climbing across the tree. The tree, despite my best efforts with a flannel, remained wet and slippy and let’s face it my balance is kinda crap anyway so I didn’t go out all the way along (totally could have if it was dry though. Totally.) Even with where I was sat I wobbled a bit which is probably why I look low-key terrified in the photos
{it’s on Instagram!}
But wait! The day still wasn’t over! We walked back to harbourfront, had burritos (make salsa not war y’all!) and then headed over to Clarke Quay to cross “have a Singapore Sling” off our lists – it was well worth it. The boats and buildings along the river were all lit up and the Singapore Sling was pretty good – and at $18.50 for two I think the cheapest in Singapore! (The Raffles hotel can take their $35 per drink and shove it 😂)
{obnoxious photo of cocktail and river}
I’ve got to go now – my flight’s just been called. Next stop: San Francisco!
Much love 💕💕
(PS (I) (sure!) (do) (love) (brackets) (and) (exclamation!) (marks!) (don’t!) (I!!)
I’m not changing it. 😂)
Opera: Compare and Contrast
Chinese Traditional Opera:
I went with a French girl from the hostel who didn’t think to warn me that Chinese Opera is nothing like European Opera and found my reaction hilarious 😂
Now, Singapore Opera –
See what I mean?💕💕💕
Actually Updating the Blog, Like, For Real This Time
So! I’m currently in my third and final full day in Singapore – the last two have been pretty damn full on so here’s a brief overview –
- Made friends with a Norwegian girl called Jenny, who’s on a gap year at the minute. She’s come down via China and Vietnam and is on her way to Indonesia next ☺️
- On day 1 we walked through the trendy Arab Street area
(don’t worry I’ve resisted buying a rug) – past the raffles hotel which is currently undergoing renovations… 
down to the marina to Merlion Park
from here we grabbed some lunch and headed to the pier, from which we got a ferry to St John’s Island and had the afternoon on the beach 
and then went out for dinner at a microbrewery over the road where it was the manager’s birthday so we didn’t have to pay and we got free tickets to Beerfest Asia 2017, which is where we went yesterday alongside – - The Gardens By The Bay – absolutely gorgeous and well worth paying to go inside the domes. I’ve already posted a frankly obnoxious number of pictures on insta so I’ll leave this one here
- A free opera performance at the Esplanade which we both really enjoyed – and was much more enjoyable than the Chinese Opera I went to in Beijing (you’ll see)
There are free performances at the Esplanade every day, should any of you reading one day find yourself in Singapore.
Next we went to Beerfest 2017, in which we were given lots of free beer which, frankly, was wasted on my since I don’t really like beer. Many a beer later, and I still don’t like beer. There was live music and a great atmosphere though so I’m glad we went. We excused ourselves fairly early to get back to the gardens for the evening light show which was really good!
the only slight issue being that lying under a glowing tree with music playing was kind of sending me to sleep. In a good way though!
We came back to the hostel and had a drink on the roof garden and then got to bed pretty early since today is probably going to be busy too. Here’s a selfie of me with my Jaeger Flower Crown which I acquired at the beer festival and wore all night
very Lana del Rey, no?
I’m gonna update form the airport tomorrow with
– what I did in China
– what I did in Australia
– what I will have done today
So stay tuned y’all!
Much love 💕
Terelj National Park
Time to celebrate lads! I’m finally up to date with the blog! You’re actually reading things as I do them! Finally!
Okay so on the way to the National Park, I visited the nearby giant Chengis (and yes, apparently is is Chengis or Chiggis not Genghis which is what I’ve been saying since forever – whoops) Khan statue. They aren’t messing around either, apparently it’s the largest equine statue in the world. They have a certificate from the Guinness book of world records and everything! There’s a smal museum at the bottom and a viewing platform at the top of the horse’s head. Without further ado!
Chingis from the platform
Panorama of the view from the platform
on approach to the statue
There was a couple doing wedding photos at the base!
Also, am I being immature or…
…is the placement of the entrance to the viewing platform somewhat amusing? (Or both?)
From the statue, it was onwards to a Buddhist temple complex in the National Park. 
You can spot it in the distance of this photo.
One of the first monuments at the complex was a prayer wheel that you spun to get a number and then you found the corresponding number on a plaque in the park to see what you should think about (meditate on?)
Here’s mine:
Yeah, guys, I know. I’m bracing myself for your comments.
There were numerous small shrines, including a pretty cool one in a cave. 
I didn’t take photos inside the temple. There were no signs but it felt… disrespectful, somehow. I did take photos of the gorgeous view across the valley from the temple though! 
and I did remember to take a photo looking back at the temple:
It felt like a lot more stairs than it looks…
Finally, I visited turtle rock. I’m sure you can figure out the reasoning behind the name for yourselves. 
I climbed up the right hand side, and into the centre, where there’s a small shrine. It was explained to me that the money is an offering to the nature gods. 
What the nature gods are going to do with that pile of cash and rocks, I don’t know. But there you have it.
Oh! I nearly forgot! When I was at the temple a group of Mongolian people wanted their photo taken with me so I was like… okay? I made sure they took a couple of photos on my phone as well as theirs:
Now, in India when people wanted to take photos it was explained to me that these people were from rural areas and didn’t see many people as pale as me, and the novelty means they want a picture to show their family at home. So there’s an Indian family somewhere showing off their holiday photos like “ah! And this is a random white chick we met in Amritsar! Behold, she is so pale she glows!” But here, that doesn’t make sense. The park is about an hour out of Ulaanbataar, and more’s the point I was hardly the only white person at the temple that day. So why me? Do I look like a Mongolian celebrity? Do they think I’m someone else? Is it the decidedly prominent nose that fascinated the children?
(Seriously, little kids don’t give a fuck. They’re like, “wow, you have a big nose, why is it like that?” And I’m like “don’t know, just grew like that, blame my Dad” [and inside, I’m like “cheers for pointing out my worst feature, sure do appreciate that”] and then they’re like “can we touch it?” You haven’t experienced surreal until you’ve had a bunch of primary school aged kids line up to touch your nose.)
Anyway, if anyone has any ideas, please let me know.
I’m off to shower and pack now – early start tomorrow to catch the train, and I’ll be on the train all day so I’m unlikly to have a chance to update, unless there’s wifi at the border. Due in Beijing the day after, how exciting!
Much love 💕
Interlude: Some Thoughts.
Aka “things I wanted to write in other posts but didn’t flow/I forgot”
LOCAL FOOD
I reckon, were I a native in an undeveloped area that got loads of naive tourists who want to get a feel for local culture, I could have a lot of fun with it. Just think of what you could do!
Hey, Jim, guess what I got a dumb tourist to eat this week!
Go on, Bob.
Freakin dog food*!! I told them it’s a local delicacy! What a piss take!
That’s nothing Bob. Why, last month, I got a tourist to pay a fortune to drink literal cat poo**
Haha!
Haha!
*should you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to eat pet food, first of all, I’m sorry this has happened to you, and second of all, here’s a bit of advice. Some dog biscuits are okay for human consumption, and I’m told can actually taste okay. But when it comes to wet food, pick cat food over dog food. Cats have more delicate stomachs than dogs so their food is higher quality, and therefore less likely to make you unwell. As far as brand goes, I have it on good authority that whiskas has a horrible aftertaste that is nigh on impossible to get rid of but sheba actually (comparatively) isn’t that bad. Don’t ask me how I know this. Godspeed.
LOCAL “LEGENDS”
Following on nicely from the above, you could also get tourists to do dumb shit for lulz, on the basis of “tradition”. I mean, I dunked myself into near freezing water because apparently it grants you longer life. I also swam in the “healing waters” of Lake Terchirigol (Romania) and drank the holy water at the Golden Temple in Amritsar (try not to think about the fact that the fish poop in there). Right now, there’s a Polish/German bloke in the hostel trying to persuade people to try camel milk for “health benefits”. I had a sniff and decided any benefits are probably not worth it. You could have a lot of fun with this. If anyone tries making up a legend to get someone to do something dumb, and it works, please let me know. I can always use a laugh!
ON PIGEONS
Now I don’t have photographic proof of this one so you’ll just have to trust me but there were motherfucking pigeons in Dalanzadgad. Pigeons in the Gobi desert! One of the most extreme environments on earth! And it got me thinking. So here’s a mini-monologue. I call it “Why Pigeons Are My Favourite Animal.”
Most people, when asked what their favourite animal is, pick “cool” animals like big cats, birds of prey, tropical and exotic things, preadators. Lions, tigers, bears, oh my! Almost all of these animals have one thing in common: they’re all endangered.
In my life, I have been lucky enough to visit 43 countries, spread across five continents (I’ve not been to Antarctica {yet} but I have been into the Arctic circle so I’ve got that going for me I guess). I have never been anywhere that did not have pigeons.
People think pigeons are dumb as shit but they’re pretty damn good at finding their way home, which is both intelligent and poetic. I find the cooing noise they make relaxing. I even think they’re quite pretty birds. Sure, seagulls are pretty much as resilient and widespread as pigeons but a seagull once stole a donut from my sister’s hand, and they make a godawful noise. Pigeons just look cute until you voluntarily provide a share of donut. Pigeons don’t hurt people.
And yeah, pigeons get eaten by loads of different animals worldwide. But when all the eagles are gone, I wager the pigeons will still be there. The apocalypse may come and go but the pigeons will be there, cooing in the ashes.
I, for one, welcome our new feathery overlords.
Long live the pigeon!
.
.
.
Okay, I hear you say, but if you like pigeons so damn much why is your Insta name @tonimagpies? Shouldn’t it be @tonipigeons?
Well, I would reply, the ‘magpies’ comes from a running joke with a friend that I’m like a magpie because I’m a little bitch for shiny things. I am like a magpie, but I think we should be more like pigeons. Maybe I’ll change it one day. We’ll see.
Fine, you say, but I still think pigeons are rats with wings.
I used to have pet rats, I reply.
In which I finally get my shit together and update the blog
Ahh… so! My last update ended with descending the singing dunes. I did forget to add though – just before I descended I was chatting to an Australian couple, and it turns out they live in the same area of Sydney as my family. So, Mum, Dad, if you run into these people in the Westfield
I met them in Mongolia! (Though, due to the potato quality of that photo it could be of literally anyone, it’s the thought that counts). As I walked away, I could hear the bloke say “to meet someone from the fecking shires…” 😂
Okay! So the next day we made our way to the Flaming Cliffs, which I was really excited for since it’s a major palaeontological site and I love me some dinosaurs! Much to the disappointment of my inner five year old I have not discovered any dinosaurs though I did very much enjoy the gorgeous view – take a look: 
If you look very closely at the second to last photo there you should be able to spot the herd of goats and sheep that were sheltering in the shade of the cliffs. Much amusement was had from yelling BAAAA and having the sheep reply BAAA and then replying BAAAA
…
You get the picture. Pierre, Maeva and I did get some funny looks from locals for baaaing at their (I mean I presume their) livestock. There was the usual “flog crap to tourists” stand at the top of the cliffs. There was a gorgeous silver teapot that I nearly bought because 1) I already own three teapots and 2) the eight year old girl running the store drove a hard bargain. I’m telling myself it was mostly the first reason…
Anyway, we were driven back to Dalanzadgad and prepared to say goodbye to the Gobi desert. We spent the night in a “guesthouse” which turned out to be four gers in a fenced compound with an outhouse (one of those “we built a shack around a big hole, squat and try not to fall in” jobs). We were close to a busy road and a pack of stray dogs so I don’t think Pierre and Maeva slept that well but I was too exhausted to care (also, one of the noises that was keeping Pierre up was my snoring… sorry!).
We spent basically the entirety of the next day on another very pink bus, though this one was pink on the outside 
Pierre and Maeva spent the night at Minjin’s guesthouse with me. We had the most glorious KFC dinner which was, surprisingly, the least greasy thing I’ve eaten since arriving in Mongolia. God bless globalisation, that’s what I say. The next morning they set off early to head up north so it was here we said goodbye (au revoir!)
I was supposed to spend the day exploring Ulaanbataar. Unfortunately, my diet during the excursion – goat, eggs, rice, stale bread, and significant amounts of grease – has, ah, disagreed with my delicate western stomach. I stayed mostly inside. I had a lovely chat with a Spanish guy who was travelling to Kazakhstan the next day (today!) and one of the hostel workers had fun learning then showing me magic tricks from YouTube. He’s getting pretty good! I think it’s the goat that’s done it since aforementioned worker microwaved some goat for his dinner and the smell made me retch. I’m sorry, goats, you make excellent cheese but you taste like you smell and you smell foul (or perhaps the goats would be happy to know this?)
Thanks to sticking to KFC, black tea, and significant amounts of medication I’m now mostly recovered. Enough that I wasn’t worried about my planned excursion to Terelj National Park today. In the end, I set off very late, since Minjin’s girls have been a little unwell and she couldn’t leave them until lunchtime – don’t worry, I’ve been told it’s nothing serious and they’ll be fine by the time you’re reading this. If I was smart, I would have used this morning to pack. Unfortunately, I am not smart so I’ll have to do it after I post this. I’m gonna make a separate post for the park since, surprise surprise, this post is getting long. I don’t half waffle on, right?
Much love! 💕
Eagle Valley, 🐫, Khongoryn Els
The next morning we drove through some dodgy, dodgy valley tracks. For your viewing pleasure:
Batr stopped to help with towing a van that had gotten stuck. In the meantime, Maeva and I performed the Macarena in front of a group of bemused Korean tourists. They filmed it, but we did not, so you'll have to imagine it. I assure you, it was majestic. We left the valley and drove though hours and hours of n o t h i n g. Turns out, deserts do not provide a great deal of variety of scenery. For the full affect, make yourself a playlist randomly consisting of crap 90s music and Mongolian music and listen to it on repeat for a few hours. I suggest Barbie Girl and Respect Yourself to start 😉
Eventually, we arrived at the camp. We had an hour and a bit's rest before setting off again for our camel ride, which was about an hours' worth of plodding in a very big circle. 
The camel behind me liked licking my leg. Thank God there were showers back at the camp. But before literally the most satisfying shower of my entire life, we travelled on to the Khongoryn Els (Singing Sand) dunes. By now it was 19:00 so a little cooler but still in the high 20s. This is the sight that greeted us:
It doesn't look that big, until you spot the people in the photo. Can't spot them?
CSI Voice: ENHANCE 
Can you see them now? The tiny black specs? Those are people. Go back and try to spot them on the original photo. Go on. I'll wait.
.
Anyway, I was about to become one of those tiny black specs. It was one of the most soul-destroying 45 minutes of my life. I quickly decided that my sandals were useless and proceeded barefoot. The thing, though, with climbing sand, is that as you step you sink in a two steps forward one step back sort of way. I took some photos as I progressed 
The most frustrating part is the very end, when you are about three metres from the summit but you feel as if it were three miles. But the summit was gorgeous; we got to the top in time to watch the sun set. And I did the one thing that you must do when you reach the top of a sand dune. I handed my phone to Pierre, threw myself back and to the utter bemusement of everyone else on the dune screeched SAND ANGEL 
it was worth the funny looks and the coating of sand 😇😇😇
I also have a classy photo of myself taken by a Korean guy I met at the top of the dune – I have Korean friends now! – and some gorgeous ones of the sunset – this post is getting very long though- I have to sleep now, much love 💕
Dalanzadgad and Eagle Valley
After the pinkest nine hour bus journey of my life 
I finally arrived in Dalanzadgad. There is nothing in Dalanzadgad, it’s just a convenient jumping off point to explore the Gobi. I was met by the wife of my tour guide who drove me up to the camp site near Eagle Valley, where I set down my bags, said hi to the French couple who are doing the same tour (Maeva and Pierre) and got back in the car, to be driven by our guide, Batr, to walk in the Eagle Valley while the weather was still cool. The stunning views were, shall we say, enhanced by Batr’s chosen music.
I shit you not,
The Macarena.
🎶 DALE A TU CUERPO ALEGRIA MACARENA🎶
🎶 QUE TU CUERPO ES PA’ DARLE ALEGRIA Y COSA BUENA 🎶
🎶 DALE A TU CUERPO ALEGRIA, MACARENA 🎶
🎶 HEY MACARENA 🎶
🎶 AY!! 🎶
You get the picture.
(Did I google the lyrics to the Macarena for the sole reason of creating this post? Maybe.)
But that wasn’t all! Things got trippier! As we walked along, Batr pointed at what I thought was a weird rock and said “Ice”. 
Nah, I thought to myself, it’s June in the desert. No way is that ice. This is a lie they tell stupid tourists.
So I did the only logical thing, and much to Batr’s distress I kicked off my shoes, walked through the stream and touched the weird rock.
Bugger me, I thought, that’s actually ice.
But there was more! 
My internal monologue was reduced to that whirring noise my laptop makes when it is struggling. 
That’s me!!! On ice!!!! In a desert!!!! In JUNE!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!
Much love 💕
imokaymom 